Kerry

I was wrong about waking up to presidential news. My psychic ability must have been turned to very low yesterday. I woke up as usual but the president, surprisingly enough, had not been decided yet. The news arrived later that Kerry had accepted the vote and Bush was the winner. It looks like Bush and Kerry will be keeping the same suits for the same occasions for awhile. There is no need for change yet. Change always comes eventually.

I think what you do for a living might actually change the way you appear. I love the epic of Dune and this story has a great example of the evolution of the worker. This one aspect of the story always stands out for me. The navigators spend their life so dedicated to their work and art of navigation that as they practice it, they transform more and more into their navigator form. It is not that they become beautiful to the eye either. They become worm like creatures suspended in melange gasses, the rare spice that allows them to bend space with precise accuracy and transport cargoes and creatures of many worlds.

I have been pondering my change of form after being ill, getting run over, and blossoming into a book dealer. I watch the other dealers around me. I never have had a problem with being a nerd and I strongly suspect we are nerds. We are not the most well dressed bunch of people I have ever seen. It makes sense for the position though. I don't wear glasses yet.

I notice that Bill has a little bit of a fuzzy point to his eyebrows now. I am not so sure he always had those. I remember the navigators in the first Dune film with Sting seemed to have that happen too in the beginning. I ponder my changed form. I am a little softer now in a lot more ways than one. I no longer spend all those hours in the gym and have the stripes down my abdomen. Martial arts class has not been so possible either. I notice that after so many hours of reading book jackets, thinking about books, searching and reading book "stuff" and a whole host of other activities that are more cerebral than they sound, I no longer feel like changing gears to a more physical activity. I would like to say that my softly rounded belly is due to chi, like I am told the Grand Master says, but I am almost positive the beautiful people would just tell me to carry it a bit higher. That where I can use it.

It was once required that I look great, youthful, and in full-fashion at all times. At one time I could be found in my Dior suit being beautiful somewhere participating in some aspect of scientific sales. I no longer require the great suit to lug cases of books weighing upwards of 40 pounds around in. They would not be the best choice for bending over or kneeling down under those dusty shelves either.

At a very crowded sale last week I saw the dealer from New York being swept along by the crowd. He was calling to me, HOW DID YOU DO!" he yelled as we are both being pushed quickly in opposite directions. "GOOD!" I cried back, then he was gone. No one could stand in one place due to the push of bodies struggling for books. Not even a man from "The City." The local Fire Marshall was apparently not a book lover. I had to check my books and found the only place with room... under the tables. I found friends in those dark spaces under the tables. It was a regular book bazaar of people originating from third world countries. It looked reminiscent of an old world spice market, only much shorter and with tubs of books in front of everyone. These people naturally knew to go under there? They seemed comfortable and at home, so I happily joined them. I only accidentally found my way because of no other options left that I could think of until I stooped to pick up a book on the floor. There the underground book community sat cross legged reading over the days take. I was dressed for the occasion in a sweat suit that could sit directly on the floor and almost anywhere else necessary. I had a realization under those tables sitting in the half light. It was the only comfortable space in the whole room. They say it is crowded at the top, but this is the only place I found it to be true. Any artist will tell you, it is really crowded at the bottom in most cases.

It is not so easy to sit on the floor at first. Seeing how someone takes defeat can make a huge difference about how another person feels about them. Watching Kerry smile after losing his dream, for now, I see him differently. He is graceful. I don't think he is "eating crow." It is really not so bad. I am looking from the point of view of being from scientific sales in Dior suits, getting sick, being run over, and becoming a book dealer though. The view may be different from up there. It is quite an accomplishment to be any kind of elected official, let alone ever even run for president... although my brother runs for president every time. I think what Kerry did today in his speech and with his smile can propel him to president next time. I was not so graceful in the beginning when the realities of my situation really set in and the numbness went away. I see a lot of potential in that acceptance of defeat and the ability to grow in a new direction into something else entirely.